pornstars go to heaven
An Essay by Wy~Lie
obviously, the title alone “pornstars go to heaven” is controversial since heaven is interpreted by religion & the church…
which usually shames & condemns anything sexualized or pornographic. whether it being same sex couples, sex before marriage, or overall anything edgy… so the words “pornstars” & “heaven” in the same phrase induce provoking ideologies intended to have shock value.
this is all very intentional though…
challenging that ideology with full freedom & liberation is exciting to me aesthetically, artistically, & philosophically.
i also wholeheartedly believe this title, that God is all loving & pornstars do indeed go to heaven.
i’m a huge admirer of Sylvia Plath whose suicide anniversary is February 11, 1963, which is the date this essay was published, intentionally, honoring Sylvia, her writing, viewpoint, & philosophy. she was raw, unapologetic, authentic, & esoteric which are admirable characteristics.
Sylvia’s inspiration is interwoven throughout this body of ideas & philosophies.
the controversial topics such as God, pornstars, nudity, drugs, substance abuse, mental illness, heartbreak, & pure honesty are all intertwined.
i have been studying, researching, & reading a lot of Sylvia while working on these ideas… she is my muse.
“pornstars go to heaven” is a conceptual world embedded with intellect, thought provoking perspectives, & spiritual symbolism.
the word pornstar represents more than adult film actors but any line of work that is of a darker & edgier lifestyle.
whether that’s sexualizing yourself as a career, dealing drugs, expressing homosexuality, or creating darker art for entertainment & artistic expression.
these alternative lifestyle choices are intriguing & also carry angelic healing energy as well. the male or female on stage or on camera might be healing another human being by giving them undivided attention in a sexual way that the individual whose consuming may lack in their life.
a drug dealer may heal someone who is hopeless & the drugs are the only comfort they can find in this heavy world we reside in.
a man or woman who expresses same sex interests in their relationships may heal another human who is scared to be honest about who they are.
the creators & directors of darker film, music, writing, & painting provide healing to the consumer to explore the realities of life on earth & provide a sense of comfort that we are not alone in these feelings.
although these mediums can be judged as immoral or unethical, i can see the beauty of the opposing viewpoint.
characteristics of fearlessness, edginess, & freedom of expression in a world of oppression is beneficial & healing in many ways.
which we can agree we all carry some of these qualities within ourselves.
i find it beneficial to cleanse ourselves from the wickedness of propaganda, guilt, & brainwashing from the systems of government & religion.
the representation of “pornstars go to heaven” breaks the stereotype that these lifestyles of seduction, drug use, & darker themed art is only of dark nature. which i don’t find to be true in every circumstance. i believe you can dress gothic, express sensuality, make whatever art is true to you, partake in the use of drugs, & still carry the light of angelic healing energy. i believe these topics inhabit the same world in some fashion. that being, creating sexual content, drug use, making art, & mental issues are usually intertwined within themselves. these can be healing acts since you are purely & wholeheartedly being yourself with no limitations. we only have one life on earth & living with full freedom is the way to go out in style, your style that is.
it’s important we confront the themes of death & the afterlife. accepting that darkness, heartbreak, & death are ultimately a part of everyone’s existence. no one escapes these truths but acceptance is the first step towards healing. not only accepting these thoughts of death but that pornstars will be in heaven. drug dealers will be in heaven. homosexuals will be in heaven. gothics will be in heaven. the lost & broken will be in heaven. ultimately accepting that heaven isn’t some gated community like the religions & systems make it out to be. heaven is a place we all return to when we’re ready to heal & accept the light amidst our darkness.
once we realize these taboos are not sins but rather a part of the human experience, the closer we are to God. the more we feel shameful or judged by God, the further we feel from God.
the moment we let go of these stereotypes of guilt & shame, the closer we are to heaven.
i feel so close to God yet i don’t align with a lot of the propaganda, shame, & judgement the religions make God out to be.
this isn’t an attempt to disrespect the church which also has many benefits & healing attributes within itself. i was baptized catholic, attended a catholic school, & learned a lot from studying the religious teachings. i have felt the presence of God in various church settings. i’ve also met beautiful people in church communities despite not always aligning with the congregation.
this is an artistic expression of my philosophy…
that God doesn’t care how you express yourself sexually, what sexual preference you have, what sexual orientation you are, what drugs make life more palatable, what art interests you, what you look like, what you wear, what you’ve done, etc. God is all forgiving & a source of unconditional love… where as the church seems to believe we are not worthy of Gods love, or if you have sex before marriage your somehow less worthy, &
that God is some judgmental source who cares about how you express yourself.
“pornstars go to heaven” challenges these philosophical beliefs & represents the feelings of full freedom, rebelliousness, & liberation.
& i’d like to think Sylvia would agree.
Sylvia Plath left earth in February of 1963.
i believe she returned back to heaven with God,
amidst her conflicts with religion & life itself. Sylvia obviously suffered on earth from her depression & mental fatigue from her artistic genius. she broke all stigmas, all to return back to heaven… our true home. earth is our temporary home & heaven is our eternal home. heaven is whatever you want it to be… not necessarily what a church or religion claims it to be. pornstars go to heaven - fades to black…
Dark waves
A Poem by Wy~Lie
dark waves crash upon my troubled soul
the mind is altered & deprived
for the moment has arrived
wounded by the wars
rage induced psychosis
innocence stripped away
artificial mood swings
anticipating nothingness
nature, sing to me
A Poem by Wy~Lie
mother nature, sing to me
tell me stories as i fall asleep
the poetry is written in the sky
the ambience falls all around
the stillness, the solitude, the serenity
true peace lays in the heart of nature
where all are welcome, where all are loved
mother nature, sing to me
i miss you alex
A Short Story by Wy~Lie
i’ve been studying people who leave the planet early & there’s a commonality: they feel too much or know too much. sometimes at the cost of their well-being. i resonate deeply with those feelings alongside alex, my dear brother who passed away on june 4th, 2023.
i enjoy looking back on nostalgic memories with alex. i cherish those memories and recall them with such clarity. i could reminisce on stories & good times for hours on end.
alex & i shared an interest in exploring highs. one of my many fond memories with alex was our smoke sessions. sitting in his bed smoking, while watching cartoons into the late hours of the night. alex always rolled the fattest blunts. some smokers are conservative & rightly so, but not alex. he could smoke an ounce in one night while being generous with his supply.
alex even introduced me to my first real girlfriend. i had my first kiss & other firsts with her all thanks to alex being my wing man. i dated her on & off for a couple of years. alex & i held a similar taste in girls also. he actually had a crush on the girl he set me up with. we sure did a lot of growing up together.
another vivid memory i hold dearly is an all nighter we pulled at our mutual friend, spencer’s, house for a sleepover in the early days of high school. a core nostalgic memory of smoking on the patio all night into the morning & watching the dew arise on the morning grass.
a very integral time period with alex was when his parents were getting divorced. he practically lived with us for around 2-3 months. i remember sleeping next to him & playing video games, laughing through the night. he would steal his mom's marlboro light cigarettes & we’d stand by the side of the house or in a nearby creek to take a couple of puffs. even though we weren’t inhaling, it felt cool to watch the smoke be exhaled.
i often think about his parents. alex’s mom was such a sweetheart. she even let my little brother sleep by her side when he slept over their house & had trouble falling asleep. she was & will always be a great mother with true mother instincts. alex’s dad was a man of nature like his two sons. i will never forget him raising a squirrel & letting it run around in his office. he is an interesting man & i give him credit for opening my eyes even more to the animal kingdom.
i am intrigued by alex’s older brother, ryan. the lifestyle ryan lives reflects his adventurous, soulful quest. i wonder what his next adventure will be. he is the older brother i never had but always wanted. even in my childhood i remember looking up to ryan, enjoying any moment he would babysit us or let alex & me hangout with him & his friends. since alex’s passing i have bonded a deeper connection with ryan, as we have very similar outlooks on the world, whether it be spirituality, art, philosophy, or poetic sensibility. ryan taught me poetic sensibility, to view the world, even its mundane moments, tastefully, discovering the potency of every situation; to understand experiences beyond words. i feel like a student when in conversation with him, retaining & holding onto every word of the wisdom he holds. ryan also is a writer, & i love to read his words not only for inspiration, but his delivery brings a sense of calmness. i think it’s important ryan was incorporated in this album process. he is featured on the track titled “feels like teen spirit,” in which he gives insight regarding my lonesome feelings while being isolated in atlanta.
i’m certain alex worked with me on this album from the higher realms. i grew my hair out for this creative process also to embody alex's choices & spirit. he usually let his hair grow long, and that always resembled a sense of freedom to me. “what would alex do?” has been a consistent question i ask myself in times of uncertainty or stress. typically, the answer is to do something peaceful and with a sense of humor. i believe if i were to ask alex, “what should i do?” or “what would you do?,” he'd respond, “let it roll, smoke a joint & carry on” or “it’ll pass in time & things will get better.” then, i can brush off whatever it is & go about the day in a more care free way. there was a bob marley-esque tendency to his reaction to anxious or stressful situations. this helps me because i can be a worrier.
i’m thankful for alex's peaceful, levelheaded energy. that peaceful yet conflicted energy is carried throughout this album. the music is experimental with sounds & vocal tuning because i think that’s something alex would enjoy. this body of music is an offering to alex in memory and remembrance of our youth.
being stuck in nostalgia & reminiscing on old times feels like purgatory, like standing in the akashic records after you’ve moved on from this life, looking back on all the memories & choices you made. i believe this chapter of my life is the middle ground of reflection to ultimately bring me closer to my higher self.
i’m aware alex's passing is not an easy topic to digest or understand, but i believe it was alex’s time to leave this plane of existence. i don’t believe things happen without purpose, and if i believe circumstances & situations happen for a reason it seems unlikely that it would only be for some situations, leaving others to hold no purpose or synchronicity. i believe there’s purpose in all things, even those that cause heartache & great suffering. even though i know he would have been a great husband, father, & role model if he continued his journey on earth, i know he is still alive in a higher form, watching over us & protecting us from the other side.
i miss you alex, & i will surely see you in another life. until then i will keep your name alive & spread the energy you’ve left with us--a caring, loving, open-minded, non-judgmental, peaceful existence.
a true artist of life, michael alexander cannon, i love you.
brown eyed angel
A Poem by Wy~Lie
a beautiful brown eyed girl has the strongest hold on my spirit
she appears in my dreams whether good or bad
i am in love with the sight of her
my first love & my only love
as i grow older i love her even more
holding onto the saying “if you love her, let her go”
if it’s meant to be i believe she will come back
that day remains a fantasy in my mind
i miss everything about her
her smile, her smell, her taste, her voice, her love, her everything
she continues to be my muse after ten years
her name follows me everywhere
brown eyed angel
a cage is no place for an animal with wings
A Poem by Wy~Lie
let your troublesome mindset out of its misery
the pain & heartache you hold onto with the grip of a titan must be set free… like a bird in a cage
a cage is no place for an animal with wings
we must return to the mindset of nature
the clouds must clear & make way for a clear blue sky
after all, storms will come but this too shall pass
no parachutes
A Poem by Wy~Lie
u mustn’t get scared when you jump without a parachute
that’s me…
i jumped
w/ no parachute
& im flowing softly like a leaf in the fall breeze
landing ever so softly on the spruce green grass